Narcissism is characterized by an extreme self-presentation and an excessive absorption. The critical element of narcissistic personality disorders is an excessive feeling of one’s uniqueness and significance, fixation on dreams of unlimited success, an exhibitionistic demand for continuous attention and admiration, inflated sensitiveness to self-criticism, and self-interest in connections with other people.
The American Psychiatric Classification System (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – DSM-IV) defines narcissistic personality disorder as a persistent pattern of grandiosity (visible in fantasies or behavior), need for admiration from others, and lack of empathy that emerges in early adulthood and is evident in a variety of contexts, as indicated by at least five of the following criteria:
According to Sigmund Freud, the creator of psychoanalysis, primary narcissism is a biological form of mental organization that every individual experiences at an extremely early life stage. It involves a complete focus on oneself, particularly regarding demands and cravings related to food, warmth, intimacy, and safety. This self-centeredness is an essential aspect of an infant's and a very young child's life.
Moreover, narcissism as a biological component of grown-ups has also been broadly analyzed in psychology – answering the demand to sustain positive self-esteem and care for it (established on assumptions from the environment). In difference to these “healthy” expressions of human narcissism, the condition is characterized by the exaggerated intensity of their attributes and the dysfunctions they generate.
During the development process, people slowly gain more understanding of the surrounding environment, its regulations, the needs of individuals around us, and the settlements between these needs (those are crucial for cooperative relationships with others). In comprehending narcissism as a condition, Freud draws attention to the so-called secondary narcissism. It is similar to childhood narcissism and is memorialized as a result of disorders in the person's growth or regression. It is what we currently name narcissistic personality disorder.
Another influential researcher of the narcissism concept, Otto Kernberg, describes this condition as an inner division within the “I” of a person, then separating into an awe-inspiring grandiose “I” and an empty and shameful “I.” This sensation contributes to ordinary signs in individuals with this condition, e.g.:
It is significant to recognize that the severity and expression of characteristics associated with narcissistic personality disorder can vary among individuals. As a result, the condition can present in different ways. Some individuals may display milder forms, where they manage well in most areas of life, with difficulties primarily arising in close, intimate relationships – this is often referred to as high-functioning narcissism. In contrast, there are others in whom the disorder significantly disrupts major areas of life, which may include parasitic or antisocial behaviors, commonly known as malignant narcissism.
A person exhibiting grandiose narcissism is typically characterized by a strong preoccupation with their person, egocentrism. Narcissism is characterized by a specific way of perceiving failure and success – the self-esteem of narcissistic people is unstable both in the face of success (high increase) and failure (high decrease). A failure, apart from a drop in self-esteem, causes anger and aggressive reactions. A strong need to achieve a high status is also very characteristic of narcissistic people.
Vulnerable narcissism is described by high sensitivity, low self-esteem, anxiety, defensiveness, and a sense of uncertainty. It is associated with an avoidant attitude but is also characterized by a high need for social approval/recognition from other people. If the reaction to the environment is not in line with expectations or is unclear, then a person characterized by sensitive narcissism may withdraw, feel rejected, and consider the hostile perception of the outside world to be justified. People with a heightened trait of vulnerable narcissism most often have a low sense of self-worth, which is why they need admiration and recognition to strengthen their image. At the level of classical personality models, vulnerable narcissism is likened to neuroticism and not to extraversion and agreeableness.
Identifying narcissistic personality disorder can be difficult, especially for those who are unqualified. That is due to the initial techniques narcissistic individuals use, which often include manipulation and a mask of charm. These people may be highly charismatic and inviting, causing their partners to feel extraordinary and fulfilled. They can also use flattery, the “mirroring method”, and other techniques to earn the trust and commitment of their partners.
As the relationship advances, their behavior switches. They put their needs and wishes above the emotions and thoughts of others. These individuals may lack compassion and be prone to aggression when something is not going as they've planned. That is why they usually build shallow relationships. These individuals can also experience jealousy and degrade the achievements of others, thinking they are special. Dependency in connections is also typical.
Narcissistic personality disorder can be challenging to identify in the early stages of a connection, but there are some subtle indications to watch for. Individuals with this disorder often exhibit symptoms that they cannot control. One notable behavior is an excessive tendency to steer conversations toward themselves, highlighting their achievements and successes. They may blame others for their mistakes, humiliate or make fun of those who are less confident, and be critical of former partners and colleagues.
A narcissistic personality disorder can manifest in the diminishing and pretentious treatment of individuals who occupy a lower social status than them. At the same time, they will voluntarily refer to acquaintances with influential individuals who have high status.
In terms of their value system, individuals with narcissistic personality disorder can find it challenging to experience sadness and an excess of shame. It may lead to severe mood swings. Some people can also display antisocial and parasitic behavior without guilt. These people can also experience a persistent feeling of emptiness and lethargy, leading to a pursuit of severe emotional adventures, sometimes through the use of drugs.
Individuals with some types of narcissistic personality disorder manage to be more mindful of their struggles and more empathetic toward others. Nevertheless, if they do not do any psychotherapy, those people may still induce harm to others, especially those who are close to them.
This behavior typically includes:
Psychotherapy is assumed to be the primary way of treating narcissistic personality disorder, with a particular emphasis on psychodynamic and psychoanalytic therapy. These therapeutic models focus on analyzing the therapeutic relationship, which is necessary for sufficient treatment. Although individuals with narcissistic traits may appear successful in their professional and social lives, they represent an increasing segment of patients seeking therapy, with an estimated prevalence of about 1%, and more than double that rate among men.
The most common reasons for individuals with this disorder to seek treatment are depression (related to the loss of a sense of grandeur, lack of meaning in life, and difficulties in maintaining relationships) and addiction to psychoactive substances. In some cases (especially with co-occurring mood disorders), pharmacotherapy guided by a psychiatrist also proves beneficial.
While psychotherapy for narcissism is possible, it ultimately requires the decision of the individual affected by the disorder to engage in the process.
Dealing with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder can be demanding due to the negative emotions it frequently brings up. A narcissist also does not believe that they are misbehaving, even if they behave in a socially unacceptable way and hurt their partner – for example, by frequently cheating. After all, in their opinion, everyone is to blame but them.
However, they can be seductive and pass for a true charmer. It is where the manipulative nature of a person with a narcissistic personality comes into play – someone like that can wrap their significant other around their finger. Other people are to them what puppets are to a puppeteer – they feel that they can play with them and control them however they want. And all this out of a deep conviction that they are better and unique, so they have the right to do so.
This problem can be even more demanding if the individual with the disorder is a family member. However, some useful recommendations can help navigate these relations.
Many people with narcissistic personality disorder take pride in their narcissism and view it as a positive trait of their personality. While revealing such a diagnosis may not be well received initially, it often leads to positive outcomes over time. Phrases like “be cautious of your narcissism”, when said sincerely and without sarcasm, can be effective if the narcissist has trust and values the relationship with the person speaking.
The key to effective communication is to keep the conversation to the point. Try to speak factually, without involving your emotions.
Narcissists, like other people, respond positively to praise and recognition, although their need for recognition is particularly strong. In situations where a narcissist is behaving in a way that is consistent with your expectations, it is worth catching and reinforcing this. For example, if you notice that they have finally allowed you to finish their thought, say something like, “I'm glad you listened to me, it will be easier for us to come to an understanding”.
Establish clear boundaries for discussions to manage conflict effectively. Ensure that no one involved can back down, take offense, or expect an apology. It can be beneficial to introduce new guidelines.
When chatting to your loved one about their disorder, try to avoid criticism. Narcissistic people may not want to see their flaws, so they may have problems hearing about them. Focus on yourself and your emotions. For example, instead of declaring: “You're annoying”, say, “I feel uncomfortable when you behave like this”.
If you feel that the issue is beginning to overpower you, start convincing your close one to go to therapy or, at least, visit a psychologist. It is always better to go to the specialist than seek help alone.
A narcissistic person tends to sabotage other people to strengthen their self-esteem. In such a situation, it is worth building an iron, unbroken self-confidence that will not be undermined by the narcissist's unpleasant tricks.
You can enhance your self-confidence in various ways, such as engaging in positive self-talk, forgiving yourself for past mistakes, and cultivating healthy and supportive relationships with like-minded individuals.
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